Saturday, November 10, 2012

Life After The Harvest

As I sit looking over the breathtaking view of the mid-morning farm, the bright blue sky and the sound of the waterfall in the pond, I am in awe of how quickly autumn is fading. The beautiful crimson and gold that adorned the trees only a couple of weeks ago are quickly turning to darker shades of brown. I can't help but think how this transition only parallels to how quickly change will come in the next few weeks.

I know he will be fine and is ready to step into his own greatness, after all, that is what we have been preparing him for the last 19 years. I am so proud yet at the same time, melancholy.....just as he brought change to my life 20 years ago, he will change my life once again.
Autumn; a time to harvest, to assess how well the growing season produced, a  time to put away the tools used to work hard during the growing season and a time to look at the bountiful fruits that  have been produced....I would say the fruits of our harvest have been exceptionally good.................


Fast forward a few short weeks........

November 2012 ………2012? Where has the time gone? I’m sure if I sit here and travel in reverse in my mind, I will find most of the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and  seconds that have slipped by while I was busy living my life.  It is also possible that more of those precious moments of time were wasted or idled away than I would want to admit.

Today marks the beginning of the final week of my role as “mom” as it has been for the last 39 years, as I prepare to release my baby boy into the world to make a life of his own. Mixed emotions surround me as I prepare for the adjustment of an empty house, the absence of piles of dirty laundry and dirty dishes in the sink, not to mention the clean laundry that never makes it to the drawer.

Some of the other things I will have to adjust to is not hearing him ask if I worked out or ran on the treadmill today? It seems that at the ripe old age of 19, he has become concerned about my health and wants me to take care of myself. For that I am grateful and grateful that all those years of teaching him to eat right, insisting he take just 2 bites of food he thought was yucky and only allowing him a “sweet treat” when he had a “happy plate” at dinner time, is paying off. Not only is he concerned for my health, he is very conscious of the need to keep himself healthy. The days of the     ”Blue Moon” cabinet are long gone, but the lessons taught will live on!

As I began to write, I wasn’t sure what direction my thoughts would take me……. would I pour out my fears of what might be beyond the doors of the home he had grown up in or would my tears blur the words I wrote as I thought about the loss of the last child that depended on me for unconditional love or would my words be filled with doubt that he was ready to face the future without his mom? 

Since I know he would not want me to mention any of that mushy mom stuff, I will focus on the fact that since the day he was born, I have prepared for this day. The day he would be able to step out into the world a man, ready to take care of himself; to be able to make decisions and learn from them if they were the wrong ones; to be respectful and courteous to others, but not let others take advantage of him; to know I was always there and ready to support him and supply him with the things he needed and most of the things he wanted. Some of the things I wanted for him were not things he wanted and that’s ok; it taught him to make decisions for himself and taught me he was a person with thoughts and ideas that were different from mine.  I have learned so much from him, things I wish I had known while raising his older brothers, like not taking the crazy stuff boys do so seriously, that they grow up to be responsible no matter how much you worry, scold and fret. I am also secure in the fact that when I am no longer watching over him, he will still have his Heavenly Father to walk by his side, watch over him and supply his needs and I am secure in the fact that he knows his Heavenly Father as well.  

I am thankful for a son, that has been such a joy to parents that were looking forward to watching their teenage children grow into adults 20 years ago, hoping to make it through the difficulties of their teen years and come though on the other side as survivors. But, they found that God was not ready to let them off that easy. I am thankful for a son who made it easy on his parents by breezing through his teenage years without the difficulty that they could have faced, because they would not have had the energy to deal with it! I am thankful for the opportunity to not only teach him the things moms teach their children on a daily basis, preparing them for life, but the opportunity to be a part of his education to prepare him for life in the work world. Homeschooling gives parents insight to their child that they would otherwise miss. So, I am truly thankful he wanted to be educated at home during his high school years, giving his parents those years to learn about who he really is.

So will turning my son over to the USAF be difficult? Will I mourn the loss of my last child..... leaving me to adjust to another life time? No way!!! I will pray for those who will now take on the responsibility, I will watch in anticipation as he takes his place in the world he is walking in to, and I will rejoice in the fact that my job is over and that I am free to ask, “What’s Next”?


No comments:

Post a Comment