When We Pray

As the first month of a new year and a new decade came into view, the heavy clouds hung so low, reaching up, I could almost touch them and the claustrophobic fog seemed to enveloped me, obscuring my vision of the world around me.

Little did we know that after the glitter and tinsel of Christmas 2019, the lack of snowfall of the winter season and the chocolate hearts of Valentines Day 2020, the world would fall into chaos and change would be our future.

Neither did I know that a health issue with one of my children would lead me to a radical change of faith and prayer.

"Therefore, I say unto you, what things you desire when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them" Mark 11:24 

 

On December 24, 2019, during a Christmas gathering, my 43 year old son, Brandon mentioned the fact, he was having trouble with his right eye. He described a blurry spot that would not go away and that he had become very sensitive to sunlight. We strongly encouraged him to see an optometrist as soon as possible. 

 After a few texts to keep reminding him, an initial appointment was made in March 2020.

As the world started to shift with the news of the Coronavirus, our personal world shifted as well, when he received a diagnosis of Macular Degeneration. 

It was thought to be in the mild stages, so a follow up appointment was made 4 months later in July 2020. I won't even try to describe the emotional blow or the racing thoughts, as those 4 months crept by at a snails pace and the world continued to lock down in fear and uncertainty. But, living and praying in faith and knowing God was in control, I knew he would be okay, whatever his future held.

 

"Faith does not always take you out of the storm, but it will calm you in the storm"

The July appointment; the doctor maintained the first diagnosis, but since the inflammation had progressed rapidly, he decided to send him to a specialist at Vanderbilt. Ten days later, Macular Degeneration was ruled out and a second diagnosis was given. Birdshot Uveitis, a rare disease, most likely caused by an autoimmune disorder resulting in extreme inflammation in the lining of his eyeball. 

Complete blood work and chest xrays were done and prednisone was prescribed to prepare his body for a drug normally used in cancer treatment, to treat the disease that had attacked his eye. 

A second visit to the specialist at Vanderbilt consisted of a discussion about taking part in a clinical trial because of the rarity of the disease. Results of the labs and xrays had not been completed and the word "Lymphoma" was floated among the discussion between the doctors.

Show me the path where I should walk, oh Lord; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you. Psalms 25:4-5

I will never doubt God directing my steps and placing me where I needed to be to grow in faith at a time when faith was needed.

May 10, 2020, Mother's Day, we were able to return to a modified church schedule and sometime in mid-August, we resumed a small group study on Sunday night. The study was on Faith, using a small book written about 70 years ago by Manley Beasley, a powerful man of God and a man of great faith. 

In reference to the verse "Therefore I say unto you, what things soever you desire when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them" Mark 11:24                                                

Manley said, "if you have been praying for something, when are you going to believe that your prayer is answered"? When you see it? True faith is believing, when you ask, that it is already done. 

"Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." 

Hebrews 11:1

Jesus promised that "What things soever ye desire, when you pray, believe (act) that ye receive them and ye shall have them"  

Mark 11:24  

The supply is there before our need is acknowledged. 

This morning, my dear friend posted her daily devotion on facebook based on the scripture from Luke 8:43-44. 

*"And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind Him and touched the edge of His cloak and immediately her bleeding stopped." (NIV)

The woman simply believed that the Lord could heal her and she acted on it. 

In our world today, we have reduced and redefined faith to mean, I think, I hope, I wish....when in reality, faith means confidence, trust, assurance and obedience. Every prayer we pray should be an attempt to touch the hem of his cloak (or garment KJV).

On August 30 2020, halfway through this Faith Study, and a discussion with my pastor, my prayers changed from asking for healing---- to believing and thanking God for the healing He was already doing in my son's body. 

 

        "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but the unseen." 2 Corinthians 4:18

On September 10, 2020, with a dread of what the tests had revealed, Brandon went in for a consultation for the results of his blood work, chest xrays and the next step in his treatment. 

His blood work was negative for any abnormalities and his lungs are clear...and by the way, he's been a smoker (almost 30 years) since he was a teenager and his lungs are clear! 

It has now been determined that the problem with his eye is caused by a fungus that lives in the soil in areas of Tennessee. He most likely contracted the fungus by breathing it in while working; crawling under houses installing duct work for HVAC systems. He will continue treatment with the eye drops and the time frame could be lengthy, but the road to restoration of his eye is so much brighter. 

* "Every prayer should be filled with the kind of faith that will seek a miracle." and I am claiming God's miracle!

"When a child is in need, it is evidence that the supply is already there"...

   Manley Beasley, Adventures in Faith

* some content taken from my friend, Mary Martin's morning devotion post

He Speaks With Purpose

We recently started a 13 week bible study on Sunday nights at our church; "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby and his son Richard Blackaby.  The study, for me, is a startling reflection of the 3 years we spent on the east coast of Florida, where God lead us to a church that was instrumental in maturing and growing our faith.

In a face book posting, as we were preparing to leave Florida and move back to Tennessee, I expressed the experience of a "Sunday school teacher that 'made the bible come alive' in a way that reached deep, leaving us hanging onto every word..... and a pastor's 'preaching the word' kept us hungry for the next Sunday and the next sermon...truly restoring our souls."

The "reflection" that I see of those years, in this study, also projects a glimpse of the work ahead he is inviting me into today at the church we have made our home.
As I am going through the homework this week, day four "God Speaks to His People" leaped off the page at me this morning, reminding me of a blog I had written about a year after arriving on the sunny shores....... as I mention in that blog, I heard the voice of God say, "restore your soul" (Dec 2014) 

Blog post Oct 2016~~~~~~

"The voice of God; what does it sound  like?
The rumble of low thunder as a storm rolls in? The roar of a mighty lion claiming his territory? Maybe more like the sound of the ocean waves as they rush to the seashore? Perhaps, even like the faint echo from a mountain top as it bounces across a canyon, the soft coo of a morning dove or just as silent as the flutter of a butterfly's wings?

However He chooses to communicate with us, He does speak, just as surely as he spoke to the prophets in the old testament and to his disciples as he walked in flesh in the new testament. Priscilla Shirer says in her book, Discerning the voice of God,  "one of the most common reasons we don't hear His voice is we simply are not listening".

Retirement was something I always thought of as a long way off in the future, a reward for the sacrifice of trading my time for dollars. The world I had surrounded myself with for so long began to fall away......like the peeling away of the layers of an onion or maybe it was more like the layers of a scab, healing a wound left by years of being tossed back and forth in the sea of the work world. What I didn't expect was that retirement would cause such a loss of identity that would take a while to find again. And as each layer fell away, the new world around me began to look differently than what I had imagined it would be.

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At the end of that first year, when the rush of life stopped rushing, when the noise of the busy world became quiet, when the mornings called me to sit before His majestic handiwork and listen, I heard the voice of God say.........

"restore your soul"

Since that day, 'His plans for me"(Jeremiah 29:11) have changed my view from the quiet serenity of a little farm pond to the crashing waves of the Atlantic ocean. He has taught me that restoring my once stressed and work weary soul, can only be done by letting the layers covering the scabs of the past to drop away. He has whispered "wait" (Psalm 27:14) to my soul......

I sat quietly this morning, drinking in the beauty of the view of my tropical world from the screened porch as well as my morning coffee and reading a devotional from Holley Gerth's "Do You Know You are Already Amazing".
The title, "You Don't Need to Do It All" was taken from the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10: 38-42. The attitudes of the sisters were totally different: Martha felt the need to do it all, while Mary felt she needed to give Jesus her all.
So many times we believe we have to do it all, give it our all and we are left worn out by the world. It's at that weakened time, the enemy of our souls sees us distracted and moves in to steal our peace, leaving us worried, upset and stressed out as we often experienced in the workplace. Even though I have found retirement to be a reward and a reprieve, a chance to restore my soul, the same reward can be found on a quiet Saturday morning looking out at the wonders God has created, whether the view is a mountain top, an ocean shore or simply the birds outside our window....a few minutes alone with our maker can set things right with our world.

As Holley Gerth points out, this story isn't really about the attitudes of the two sisters, it's the attitudes behind our choices. Both Martha and Mary loved and served Jesus, but on this day, only Mary wanted to enjoy Him. It's up to us to make a different, better choice. Scripture says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13)

Paradise.....A Place, A State of Mind or A Condition of the Heart

Too much time is lost on trivial things like fear, self pity, doubts, guilt, regret, waiting for things to change or until things are perfect.

"Life after work" at the end of 2013 took me on a journey to a place where the awareness of time and how little of it we actually have surrounded me on a daily basis. Living on the "younger" side in a retirement community, watching so many enjoying their golden years and also seeing the other side of aging, has given me a better understanding of what James meant when he said, " How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like a morning fog---it's here a little while and then it's gone". (James 4:14)

At the time of this writing, three beautiful houses sat empty across the street from me, where "the mist of the morning fog" was gone for the sweet seniors who had occupied them just a few months before. In God's plan, every life is long enough and every death is timely. And though, we all might wish for a longer life, God knows better.

                                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In October 2017, traveling south on I-95 toward Melbourne Florida on a return trip from Tennessee, I watched my car's odometer as it turned 100,000 miles. It was a serene moment as my thoughts raced back to the day, 4 years before when it sat, brand new, in my driveway. This was my reward of 4 decades in the working world. My retirement wheels that would take me into the next season of life.

As the numbers rolled over, my thoughts rolled back over those 4 years to the places I had been, the people those places represented and how different the next season of my life looked from the plans I had made. My dream after retirement was to expand my home-based business, grow an additional income, travel, earn bonuses and deepen my down line. After more than a decade of juggling a side gig of a home based business with a full time 50+ hours a week job and fully believing Jeremiah 29:11, building that side gig after retirement was just the next step toward the "dream." ....but, the thing I didn't know at the time; my plans didn't line up with His plans.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4

It's funny how we think we can plan our future, dream our dreams, take steps to fulfill those plans and dreams, but somewhere along the way God's plan will start to weave itself into our hearts, our soul and our minds, leaving us looking at our lives with entirely different eyes......and sometimes it means taking us on a 3 year sabbatical, 800 miles south to do it.

During the 18 month transition from life on the farm to the flip flop castle, we had begun to feel the Lord's leading in our decisions; doors opening and angels being placed in the doorway, so to speak........... I could fill a book with the divine leading in this journey from His voice saying "restore your soul" to His pressing upon me to "burn the ships".

"He speaks, if any of you wants to be my follower you must set aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it, but if you give up you life for my sake and for the Good News, you will find true life." Mark 8:34-35

Often, we are willing to obey God, but we want to keep our ships (dreams and plans) up and working.....just in case. It is comforting to have a "plan B" waiting when obedience isn't convenient anymore. But, God desires that we "burn our ships", annihilate any other means of departures and throw ourselves wholeheartedly into what He has asked of us. Now, granted, I was not aware of all this at the time, but I could not find peace in my new surroundings until I began to let go of those dreams and plans and even the material things I had taken with me.

We live in a society filled with more distractions that we can possibly count and more obligations than we can possibly meet. Is it any wonder why so much of God's beauty is overlooked? I had lived in that world a few short years before, rushing from day to day, missing so much of the things He had put in my life, so many of the wonders and so much of the joy ........but then He beckoned me to paradise.

"The Heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim His handiwork". Psalm 19:2

"The sunshine spills over the the green carpet of the golf course that stretches out beyond the windows of the sun room, where I sit sipping my morning coffee, allowing it to wash the sleep from my eyes,  letting me focus on the world around me as I read this scripture. In reflecting on these words, I am once again in awe of this scene unfolding before me just as it has done the last 3 years. Each morning, I am given the privilege of witnessing this wonder from my favorite spot, the spot where a metamorphosis has taken place within me." (taken from my journal and morning devotion).

We all have dreams of what our lives will look like; dream jobs, dream families, dream lives.....but the thing about dreams is that we can so identify with them, we lose all true bearings about ourselves.

In a story written by a minister, I read about the dreams we build around our lives being wish-dreams and wish-dreams becoming idols. The story told of a ministry being taken away and later the realization that the ministry had become an idol, a ministry that was more about a man than about the glory of  his God.

My plans, when my new car had only 11 miles on the odometer were wish-dreams. God saw that, saw the road ahead and sat about changing my direction, my desires  and my dreams.


I Am Sent.......An Incubator of Faith
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Our home for 3 years was in Melbourne Florida, in the growing community of "Viera" which ironically means "true faith". After moving into our new home inside the gates of Indian River Colony Club, a military retirement community, we settled in for a couple of months before venturing out to find a place of worship. On November 1, 2015, we visited the nearby Church of Viera where the 1st message I heard was "I am Sent".

Believing that the purpose for being lead to this place was to fulfill my dreams and define my purpose in the work of the Lord, I focused on the "I Am Sent" part.  I tried to absorb this message as "being sent" to accomplish something outside of myself, missing "The Incubator of Faith" as the message God wanted me to hear......It wasn't until 3 years later, and going back to this message many times, that the reality of it was made clear.

"I am sent ....... an incubator of faith" Acts 9:10-19

An "incubator" is an enclosed apparatus providing a controlled environment for the care and protection of the premature or underdeveloped.

A"faith incubator" is a period of time when our underdeveloped faith is matured and our life purpose is clarified.

Just as Ananias had been sent to minister to Paul in his spiritual infancy, I know without a doubt that even though the journey meant a relocation for us, the Ananias'  of ministers that awaited us at FBC Melbourne, were surely a work of His hands. 

      On January 7, 2018, after some prompting and nudging from the Lord and the decision had been made to move back to Tennessee, I commented between Sunday School and Worship Service that we had certainly been "saturated with the word" in the past 2 1/2 years. These words received confirmation the next morning when I opened my devotional book to find these words for Sunday's devotion.......

      "I give you my word to saturate and transform your heart so that it will be unshakable in the midst of uncertainty. Keep yourself under control when everything in life is out of control. Know that everything is in My control and you can trust me.  Life is going to take you many directions, but I'll be there along the way to guide you into My will. It may not be the path you would have chosen, but if I am with you, there is nothing to fear. What you can't do, I can." 

      ...from He Whispers Your Name Devotions January 7 2018

       

      " Don't let your heart be troubled, Trust in God and Trust also in Me" ....John 14:1

                                  

God, Teach Me How to Wonder

As I opened my devotional guide this morning, I found myself playing catch-up. This week had finally brought winter to our area. Ice, snow and record low temperatures had caused a temporary pause in our normal daily routines, slowing us down, with our thoughts turning to taking care of our family's basic needs of surviving with possible power outages, road safety, staying warm and having enough food and household supplies.

The change in the weather at the beginning of the week turned my focus to the beauty of a snow covered ground, icicles hanging from the edges of the house, trees, left bare by the autumn winds now covered in shimmering ice crystals, a frozen pond....the wonder of it all! Trying to capture this amazing handiwork of God through the eye of a camera always leaves me disappointed, but maybe, just maybe....
we were created to only capture His true wonderment though the eyes of our soul.

Last Monday's lesson title "The Beauty of Wonder" seemed so appropriate as I reflected on the past week.
Often, we go at such a pace, we forget to stop and look at the world around us.......we forget to wonder. "Taking time to stop and wonder at something, to really look at it---it's like tuning into the music that the world is making, the music that God is making through the world."

Over the past year, after retiring from a fast paced work life, I have had the time to slow down and really enjoy the beauty of the seasons in my own back yard.



I have been amazed at the peace and tranquility of spending a early spring morning listening to the birds singing their songs of praise of the brand new day

or enjoying a good book sitting beside the calm waters of our picturesque summer pond. 

Capturing the perfect angle of the old farm gate and the landscape beyond 

or the colors in the wardrobe of the beautiful autumn trees reflecting on the pond

or the first flakes of a winter snow have truly
created a soul-appreciation of wonder in me.

I am also aware that even in a

broken world, God has filled
it with so much beauty and goodness.

Wonder is paying attention, paying attention to the beauty that surrounds us....even snow days are thrown into the middle of a busy schedule to cause us to stop and wonder, to make memories with our children or grand children, to remind us of the comfort of a soft blanket and a cup of hot cocoa in front of a warm fireplace......"we must not become so busy that we lose our sense of wonder. Wonder, listen to the music that God is making in His world."

"This little interruption will soon be a memory as the south awakens from it's brief winter slumber and green grass pushes through the dried dead stalks of last season, green leaves bursts out of their buds, new life spurts up from the frozen ground followed by beautiful spring flowers......such a beautiful show of the wonders of God".

The Psalmist says it best

"You visit the earth and water it, you greatly enrich it. The river of God is filled with water; You provide their grain; for so you have prepared it. You water it's ridges abundantly, You settle its furrows, You make it soft with showers, You bless its growth. You crown the year with Your goodness and Your paths drip with abundance. They drop on the pastures of the wilderness and the little hills rejoice on every side. The pastures are clothed with flocks, the valleys also are covered with grain. They shout for joy, they also sign." Psalm 65:9-13

Let me always keep the sense of  wonder Lord, teach me how to stand in awe of You~~~~

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)


" Journey, a woman's guide to intimacy with God."

Where The Journey Leads

"I don't mean to say I am perfect. I haven't learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be. No, dear brothers, I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear on one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God is calling us up to heaven because of what Christ Jesus did for us". Philippians 3:12-14 (The Living Bible) 

When she pulled off the fast-paced highway of the working world in the middle of winter, she had no idea how different the pace on the country road would be. The cold January mornings found her snuggled under a blanket in front of the fireplace with a warm cup of tea while former co-workers made their way to the workplace on icy, dark roads. She felt blessed and privileged that her corporate working days were finally over. Waking to the sunrise instead of the alarm clock soon became a passion and drifting through the day without a schedule gave her wings of freedom.

As winter turned into spring, the feeling of freedom and a care-free summer ahead was exciting. Vacations to the beach or spending time with family and friends without consulting someone else’s timeline had been something she had given up many years ago when entering the working world.

“Come on over to my yard

 Sit around

 Let your troubles all disappear

 Come on over to my yard

‘Cause right now Heaven’s right here”  (Jeb Loy Nichols “Heaven’s Right Here”)

An so it was, mornings spent in her garden, surrounded by God’s feathered choir and the sun beckoning her to enjoy this moment she had earned….

The giddy feelings of freedom were refreshing during those first few months, but the giddiness, it seems, is wearing off. Frankly, the increasing feelings of freedom are somewhat overshadowed by the feeling of being completely trapped; trapped somewhere between what was and what is to come.

Not long ago Mondays were to be dreaded and faced with blinding determination to get past the start of the work week. Tuesdays were a little better, like the second sip of something bitter…it went down a little easier.  Wednesdays were the half-way mark of the fast paced race to make it to the finish line. Thursdays were the big push to get it all done so Fridays could be glided through with ease into the freedom of the long awaited weekend that would, no doubt go faster than the speed of light right back into someone else’s timeline. 

Days now come and go without the speed and stress of a few short months ago and are often undefined by any particular activities. Finding joy in this new found freedom is fleeting and finding a level of discipline to this new pace seems just a bit out of reach.  In a season of discontent, she finds herself in the spin cycle of change, searching for something to hold on to…. a passion……a purpose.

When it’s time for a change, you can feel it in your bones, and there’s nothing like that feeling – the feeling of chasing something new. Excited, anxious, happy…maybe even a little scared…but those feelings drive us towards the starting line of something fresh. There comes a time when we want something more, and there comes a time when we need something more. It can build up slowly, or catch you by surprise. Either way, you know it’s time to skip to the next scene, press play, and let the magic of the unknown excite you. (Author unknown)

Too Late in Life

" one day you will wake up and find there won't be anymore time to do the things you always wanted to do...do it now".
Paulo Coelho


I watched the shadows of 80 plus years pass over her well worn face as Mary spoke of dreams left unfulfilled. Her voice was shaky and trembling hands caressed her prize possessions as she told of her dream to own a shop to display all her antiques and music artifacts. Would there have ever been a price tag that would actually give her reason to relinquish even one of the treasures she held dear to her heart? The world will probably never know, as the dreaded disease of the elderly slowly takes over, but in that moment in time as Mary's eyes revealed the depths of her soul and she uttered the words, "it's a little late in life to think about that now", time stopped and my mind raced......

I know I am not promised anything beyond this very moment, yet I am always looking ahead, dreaming that next dream and touching that next life. As my thoughts raced to the journey I had just begun, I couldn't image not fulfilling the dream of running my own business; a business that could touch and change so many lives.

I truly believe each of us is born with a purpose in life. Max Lucado tells us in his book, "The Cure For the Common Life", we are born pre-packed. When God formed us, He looked at our entire life, determined our assignment and gave us the tools to fulfill that purpose. It is our job to unpack our tool bag and use the tools (skills) specifically assigned to us. Many times we go through life trying to use the tools from someone else's bag and we find ourselves discouraged, hopeless and unfulfilled. We race through each day complaining, frustrated, and stressed out trying to meet their expectations, never finding that "sweet spot" God intended for us.  In finding our sweet spot.....our uniqueness that comes when our successes and our passions intersect.....we find joy and contentment in what we do and without a doubt, it has nothing to do with money or self recognition. God packed us with special tools so we can make him known (1 Peter 4:10-11) and to serve others (1 Cor. 12:7).

I think about the lives I have touched and those who have touched mine in the past and know it has prepared me to relate and give to many more in the future with what God packed in my tool bag; encouragement, confidence building and now, the opportunity for financial change.

We drove away that afternoon as Mary stood in front of her home where she felt secure and at peace with her surroundings, waving goodbye. I have only known her in her later years, but at that moment I knew there stood a woman who had lived her life looking back, holding on to the past and dreaming dreams she would never realize and my heart cried for her loss.

(Psalm 33:13, 15) The Lord looks from Heaven; He sees all the sons of men......he fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.

   

Finding the Better Part

It's Monday and for the first time in more than 37 years, I'm not headed out the door to face the challenges of a corporate work day. If fact, I have just returned from a wonderful, exciting, fun-filled weekend with over 6000 friends and business partners who are either doing what I'm doing this morning or working their way to doing what I'm doing......working from home, being my own boss, setting my own schedule and running my own business! As I begin my day and I find myself searching for that "quiet time" to read scriptures, to meditate and find that something.......that quiet voice to feed and nurture my soul and spirit, I pick up one of my favorite books, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. This book has helped me through some rough spots during the last few years of being a "Martha" as I tried to juggle the stress and tension of a hectic, time-consuming work schedule, build a future home based business and make time for home and family. The order in which I list these activities are sadly, the order in which they have dominated my life; being a Martha and longing for the chance to just be a Mary sometimes.

In the story found in Luke 10:38-42, Jesus and his disciples came to town and a woman named Martha opened her home to them. Her sister Mary sat at Jesus' feet listening to what He had to say instead of busying herself in the kitchen with Martha. Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made and got ticked at her sister for not helping, so she went to Jesus and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" Jesus politely said "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her." 

For so many years, I have reflected Martha in my day to day life with long, stress- filled work days. 

January 2014 is the beginning of a new segment in my life. I am still a Martha, but my time is my own and Mary will be more visible as I schedule each day on my new journey, seeking the better part in each of them.