Happy Mother's Day

The Girl
I Used To Be
by Rowena K. Lewis

She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be.

And she gazed at me with her earnest eye, and questioned reproachfully:

Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?

The great career, the splendid fame, all the wonderful things to do?

Where is the mansion of stately height, with all of its gardens rare?

The silken robes that I dreamed for you, and the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad, for I wanted her pleased with me.

This slender girl from the shadowy past, the girl that I used to be.

So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair

Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay, innocent, sweet, and fair.

And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;

That silken robe is my motherhood, of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know

Is serving each day in these sheltered walls, for the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.

And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl that I used to be.

Copyright 1997 Rowena K. Lewis. Used with permission.


As a young girl, I was a dreamer. My dreams were big, always taking me to far away places where life would be adventurous, exciting and romantic. Books were my best friend so much so that "bookworm" would be a good descriptive word for me during my adolescence and teen years. I was addicted to romantic movies set in far away places, I even kept a journal of the movies I watched and the ones I could watch again and again.
I was totally mesmerized by Wurthering Heights........I can't remember which came first, reading the book or watching the movie, I just know Heathcliff and Cathy running through the Heather on the Moors of Wuthering Heights and sharing a love so deep that death could not keep them apart still lives in my heart the same today as it did so long ago.

My silken robe of Motherhood came to me in the form of a rambunctious 4 year old as I entered married life and 2 1/2 years later my bouncing baby boy joined his almost 7 year old brother.

Life with the boys....birthdays, bicycles, go-carts, little toy trucks, 1st days of school, Christmas's, scraped knees, scolding and discipline, sick days for Dr's appointments; Life with the boys revolved around mom's job that came about just after my baby boy turned 1 yr old...........

I took a little job that fit around my son's school schedule, I worked when he was in school and I was home when he was home.....my baby boy was safe in the care of my sweet mother or my loving sister while I was away at the workplace........What started as a job to bring home a little extra money gradually got bigger and the need for the extra money became more and more necessary. As my boys grew and the responsibilities of supporting our family grew heavier on my side of the scale, my days off, Christmas Break and Summer Vacation, became a time for a temporary job. Working part time in Tea Room type eateries offered a break from the regular routine of serving the nutritional needs of school children.

Now I am not complaining, I found that I loved to work and I worked at something I loved. I found that each day was an adventure, making new friends,  interacting with co-workers, sharing their lives, sharing ideas and most of all, learning about people and realizing I could be a positive influence in their lives with the service my job provided. 
Many years have passed, life brought with it a beautiful baby girl who has worked along side her mother on many occasions and has learned the value of good work ethics. She is a fountain of enthusiasm in everything she pursues and loves with her whole heart. She has grown into a wonderful mother of 2 precious little boys.

Life has a way of taking you to new horizons as you come out of  difficult and trying times........
God blessed my life with another son who has recently gotten his first job, will be graduating high school and starting college in the fall.

I have also been blessed with wonderful step-children and beautiful grandchildren.........they are truly jewels in my hair and my heart swells with hope for their futures filled with dreams that will take them to faraway places..........

My boys have grown into wonderful men who seem to find work when work is hard to find.Their work ethics to provide for their own "precious gems" go beyond whatever dreams they may have had as young boys.

Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?

The great career, the splendid fame, all the wonderful things to do?

Did my choice to take a little job that turned into a 35 year career take me off course from the dreams of the girl I used to be? Were my hopes left behind as I rushed ahead with life and the needs of my children? Was I selfish in spending my days serving other children instead of waiting for the school bus to bring my children home in the afternoon? ......My life is exactly what God intended for me. My "great career" has taken me to faraway places, has been the source of exciting adventures, has allowed me to see into the lives of people I would never have met otherwise and has introduced many great friends into my life  It has allowed me to stretch my imagination, use my talents and show my children hard work does not go unrewarded. What it has also given me is a chance to influence the lives of others including my own children.......

And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know

Is serving each day in these sheltered walls, for the dear ones who come and go.

"She watches over the affairs of the household and does not eat the bread of idleness. her children call her blessed and her husband also and he praises her. Many women do noble things but you surpass them all". Proverbs 31: 27-29

Happy Mother's Day to my children, as I put on my silken robe of motherhood and reflect on the gems in my life.

Believing and Finding Contentment

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 

Hebrews 11: 1 (NIV)   

Faith requires a leap, a jump...everything is not neatly figured out. If I had all the answers, faith would not be required. As I struggle to find the answers, I search my heart and the scriptures, hoping for confirmation, but when I think it is within my reach, it slips just beyond my grasp.
Change is always difficult, uncertainty, fear of the unknown...fear of what is out there once we let go and free fall into whatever comes next. All those years of helping others find their courage though times of change and here I am looking for change and can't seem to find that courage for myself. Recently I typed an email to a friend trying to express my feeling and thoughts of recent weather events.......
 
Rain, Rain, Go Away!!! All this water…..feels like we’ve been here before….like last year at this time. Such extreme weather, we even had an earthquake drill last Thursday…..they had a recording of an earthquake played through the phone system and when we heard it, we had to drop where we were and get under our desks and hold on until it ended….scary stuff. More and more I find reasons to want to escape the workplace madness and be home to take care of and keep my family safe.

The day the tornado came though our little community, I was at work under a tornado warning there. I was watching the storm on television that was projected on a large screen. I could see the storm as it came over my house and could not reach my family on the phone. At the time I was watching it, my family was trying to find safety in my small office/hallway as trees were being tossed down and pulled up by the roots. Thank God they were safe and our house was not damaged, but we lost 8 trees, a tractor shed and several fences. Some of our neighbors we not as lucky with damaged roofs and sidings. The Fire House and Community Center across the street suffered the most damage with part of the buildings blown out. Of course, this was nothing compared to our southern friends last weekend……

In one of my favorite books, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World", I read that there are times in our life when God writes the end to a chapter in our lives and asks us to say good-by to something or someone who has been important to us. It can be a friend, a spouse, a parent and even a job. Endings in a sense are inevitable and sometimes we are reluctant to let go.....it is hard to let go of things we feel we have control over. The question is asked, " Do you ever find yourself clinging to the pencil, refusing to let God write on the pages of your life? We know that the Lord is infinitely kind and patient in his dealings with us. He will show us how to relinquish our rights for his best". The writer suggests if we struggle in relinquishing control, we should ask God to make us willing, to recognize we have an adversary and to let go one piece at a time.
 

I pray that God will make me willing to surrender control of the things that are holding me back from turning the pages to the new chapter He is writing for my life. "Sometimes we cling to control because we fear changes that we are not ready to handle, but God, in his kindness, takes us at a pace we can handle. If we simply obey what he asks of us at the moment, He will lead us to the next step when we are ready".
Is my faith enough? God has written my life story, "His periods may not be my periods, His commas may not be my commas, His ways may not be my ways, but He knows the plans he has for me", my purpose at each stage in my life.....can I let go and have the faith, the trust, to let Him take me in the right direction?
Lord help me to be willing to understand in my heart that "God's plan is released when I believe and obey".
"Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver

Hurry Up, Wait and Fast Forward

Happy New Year and Have a Blessed Easter!!!!Where has the time gone? The last 3 1/2 months have come and gone without stopping to take a breath...or maybe it is just me who has not stopped to breath....

As I write this post I am sitting in my little backyard garden where the buttercups and tulips have already bloomed and faded and the gladiolas have yet to bud......we are halfway through April 2011 and for the first time since Christmas, I can sit and fully enjoy my surroundings of nature. How many days have passed that I didn't see the backyard and only saw the stepping stones from my front door to the car or the from the car to my front door?


As I think about the all the happenings since
the start of the new year, 2011 brought with it
more than usual snowfall in both January and February, closing schools and causing days of hibernation or staying overnight close to work. The stress and tension of getting back and forth on my 82 mile a day commute blurred the days that turned into weeks just waiting for the next winter storm...





As the threat of snow passed, early spring brought with it new life.....new life in the awaking of spring flowers, the singing of birds....and the first cry of our new grandson. 





How easy it is to forget the blessings when the gray, menacing clouds of life's storms loom before us, consuming us with stress, tension and depths of despair, but when we stop and look for the blessings of our heavenly father, we don't have to look any farther than feeling the heartbeat of a newborn baby and hear the first cries of life to know, He is still with us, showering us with blessings.

What a joy to see God's blessings in the birth of a newborn baby and see the happiness it brings to the mother holding it....it's a double blessing when the mother holding that newborn was once the newborn baby I held.......

This time of year also brings with it the longing to run barefoot in the new spring grass, to pick daffodil fuzz balls to make wishes on, to dig in the cool dirt and create life in new flowers, coloring our world with freshness......not to mention sitting idle for hours and listening to the song of the morning birds, watching the first rays of the sunrise, spending that quiet time with our maker who makes all these wonderful things for our enjoyment.......but life gets in the way and this time is only available for brief periods in between the busyness that consumes our hours.

Often, the desire for the simple joys of life over whelms me.....duty calls, the clock ticks faster and faster, hours turn into days and days run together......the simple joys of that quiet morning, the chorus of those morning birds, that beautiful sunrise, the blooms of those early spring flowers, the brilliant blue spring skies are gone.....each day is lived only once, what we miss, we will never get back.......we just look ahead to try to capture the next one.

During a recent devotional reading, the subject was "Burnout or Balance" by Chris Adams. It went like this; "Take a deep breath. Have you had a busy day? Are you caught up in the pressure to constantly go at full speed"? I looked around me and wondered when Chris Adams had somehow managed to secretly follow me around or look over my shoulder and know the fast track that takes me in and out of most of my days.....here she was asking me " do you cram more into any given time frame than one can possibly accomplish"? Well, I could be guilty of that sometimes, but how else can it all get done? Then she rattled off some of the symptoms experienced with stress and burn-out and I could identify with some of them......exhaustion? yes....loss of motivation? yes....anxiety? yes....discouragement, negative thinking, anger? sometimes......

Chris reminded me of what David said when he felt overwhelmed with life, "But I trust in You, Lord; I say, 'You are my God' My times are in your hands, deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me". Psalm 31:14. She assured me that the Lord never over-assigns us. We have enough time to do everything the Lord wants us to do. The key is to glorify Him as we prayerfully seek His purpose for our lives and pursue His plan for spending the time and the gifts He has given us.........

Mark 6:31 says "He said unto them, Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest"......My prayer is that I can follow Jesus' example and find that time to rest, that my days will become simple and slower paced so I will be able to bask in His delight......I will trust in Him to guide me, to be my GPS, for He knows the plans he has for me, the destination of my purpose......thank you Lord for this time to rest and renew my spirit.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me". Psalms 51;10

Sometimes I Just Sits and Thinks and Sometimes I Just Sits

 

We haven't had a Slow Sigh Saturday in a while..... commitments to be met, appointments to be kept and just pure exhaustion from a too full week have taken it's toll on getting away....not to mention the weather and all the snow of the past winter!!!

This Saturday was no different. There was an appointment and grocery shopping to do....and yard work, laundry..... then all the energy was drained from us both. A nap really would have consumed us if we had given in, but instead we decided to just sit beside the pond for a bit. Of course, we couldn't just stroll to the pond and leisurely sit in a "movie prop" setting, which is what I dreamed of doing.....first we had to pull a bench and a couple of chairs out of winter storage and load them on the wagon that is pulled by the lawnmower and haul them to the pond. We also had to entice the horse to the barn stall with feed and close the barn gate in order to keep her from joining us and breathing down our necks, destroying any tranquility we were trying to enjoy.

Finally, we were able to sit and drink in the sunshine and feel the calmness of the water soothe away the stress and tension of the week before and relax....just the way we planned 7 Spring-times ago when we fell in love with this little piece of heaven on earth....our little Greenacres....in the sleepy little community of Hooterville....aka.....Tennessee City.

As I sat, my thoughts traveled back to a carefree time when I had not learned the meaning of the word stress. This was not a word I heard often, if at all, growing up. If Mama and Daddy were ever stressed, we didn't know it and they didn't either. Life in the country was slow, the days were long and there was plenty of time to relax and dream.

Suddenly, the memory of a poem or a quote I had read somewhere came back to me, "Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits." by Satchel Paige. I had this framed and on my wall as a teenager and I remember sketching a stool next to the words.......

As we sat for that brief few minutes, time stood still. We watched ducks bathing in the clear, calm water of a brimming pond, a gentle warm breeze stirring ever so lightly the new blades of spring grass......the quietness surrounding us made any other sounds seem far, far away.....

How I look forward to the moments when we can just sit and let the things that rob us of our sleep and put signs of aging on our face fade into the background? Oh, how much I look forward to the time when I can "just sits" and if I chose...."just sits and thinks" about things that will bring me joy, that will put a smile on my face......and not waste my thoughts on things that exhaust me, drain me of my energy or God forbid, raise my blood pressure!!!!

        Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

Satchel Paige US baseball player (1906 - 1982)

Christmas Morning Magic

Christmas 2010.....A White Christmas, a little snow to give us that "post card" Christmas feeling.

As the ghost of Christmas Past brings back the memories of when Christmas mornings were filled with the sounds of happy, excited children, noisy gift wrap being torn from unexpected surprises and Christmas list wishes were brought to life, I think about how different Christmas morning is when there are no longer small children, no longer the magical wide-eyed wonder, no longer the trying to stay awake until the last eye is closed so "Santa" can leave the visions of sugar-plums under the tree.........

In the early years with the boys, the lists were always made early in the fall, then an extra job was necessary in order to fill those lists. On Sunday after Thanksgiving the Christmas tree went up and the anticipation started up as well. Wants and wishes changed daily as commercials and ads flashed before their innocent eyes and convinced them this was the latest and best and they had to have it. Christmas Eve and bedtime was always hard...the excitement seemed to hold those little eyes open and those little hearts racing, making for a late night and then a very early morning.......then along came our little girl and wide-eyed wonderment took on a whole new meaning! Christmas morning was centered around her squeals and giggles....watching her open her gifts filled the morning and everyone was exhausted by the time the long awaited nap-time came so we all could rest. As the boys grew older,  their Christmas gifts soon consisted of guy gear and the latest electronics, but for a few more years, toys were back on the list and so was the magic of Christmas morning.

As the years passed and life brought on change, the boys grew up, the little girl was joined by a little brother and the magic of Christmas morning continued....

This year we were blessed with a White Christmas and the only sounds on Christmas morning were the whispering snow flakes as they fell on a quiet, sleepy little home where a sleeping teenager had to be awakened to open his gifts of guy gear and the latest electronics. The gifts were opened without the squeals, without the giggles, without the fanfare of Christmas mornings past.....but somehow there was still a little magic in the air. I'm not sure if it was the falling snow or if I saw it in the smiles and heard it in the giggles and squeals of our grandchildren as they told us about their Christmas morning surprises.

Merry Christmas

The Fall Weekend Get Away

Have you ever wanted to just get away? A change of scenery or a chance to turn your focus to things that you are not responsible for and just relax your mind?

Last weekend was one of those weekends....for 24 hours, My husband and I left the farm, the kids, the grand kids, the dog, the cat and the horse and went south.....to the very small town of Linden, Tennessee. The weather was perfect, the sky was blue, the fall colors were brilliant and the drive was slow and lazy as the country roads wound this way and that way. I am surprised I didn't fall asleep as I usually do on long drives, but the breathtaking scenes from the windshield of our car kept me awake and captivated.

Now if you haven't been to Linden and ever get a chance to go, don't blink or look down to change the station on the radio or you will certainly miss the historic down town area....in fact the whole 2 blocks of the city was under construction for new sidewalks. That was fine since a walking tour of the city didn't take that long and we hardly noticed the orange cones warning us of the construction obstacles to avoid. The size of the town was a surprise, but all the more inviting for a weekend get away.

The Commodore Hotel was a treat......a 1939 hotel restored with modern conveniences, but still a step back in time.......how many people get to stay in room # 1 and the key to the door is a real key. This has to be the most unique place we have ever stayed........the room was kind of like an upstairs bedroom, like you would find in a bed and breakfast and was really comfortable. We were told the hotel door was locked at 9:00pm and if we went out we would have to use a code to get back in. Well, we weren't going anywhere, there was no place to go!!

The hotel had a restaurant with a Chef and the Waitress was also the front desk clerk. Since we were there on Halloween weekend, dinner was prepared by a character from Goosebumps and served up by the bride of Dracula....what a frightful night it was....





The meal was excellent, a delicacy in a rural little town where time has stopped compared to hustle and bustle of the outside world. And when I say time has stopped....I mean literally.

Someone forgot to tell the folks of Linden there is crime and criminals out there in the world.....the information book in the room listed under services that guests could have their guns cleaned during their stay, in fact, the hotel would arrange for pick up and delivery for the guests. Then during dinner, cooked and served by very strange characters, trick or treat-ers came in to collect candy from a big bowl set out by Dracula's Bride.......A dad and mom brought in a tiny little goblin with dad in camos and a deer rifle slung on his back.......this was deemed a natural way of life for the small town and no one appeared offended or threatened.....

The night was peaceful, sleep was deep and we awoke rested and ready for a nice breakfast to send us on our way back to reality.....but we took our time, reminiscing about the things we had seen and enjoyed in the last 24 hours.....A quaint little town where the stress of the outside world had not yet penetrated the lives of the locals, the Mennonite farms where we had bought fresh bread made by a sweet grandma who had ground the flour to make it, the Native American PowWow that we happened upon where they were honoring the soldiers from all areas of the military and I found a real Indian Talking Stick, and where time had slowed down to a pace of years gone by.....

Fall Retreat in Paris (Landing)

Do you remember sleepovers, slumber parties and giggly girlfriend get togethers? Do you ever get to relive those carefree days of years gone by? Well, the ladies of the Branches Sunday School at First Baptist of Dickson spent the weekend doing just that....

This was the second annual Ladies Retreat at Paris Landing State Park. The weekend begins on Friday afternoon with the ladies making their way from different directions with food, special recipes, treats to share, sleeping bags, air mattress beds, our favorite quilts or blankets, and casual weekend attire......lets not forget a fun game for Friday night that will stir the competitive juices, turning these mature, Sunday School leaders into dog-eat-dog no holes barred competitors.It is all in fun and fun it is as we laugh so hard we wake up on Saturday morning with our faces sore and our bodies aching.



And speaking of Saturday....it's shoe shopping day!!!! We have discovered a Shoe Outlet nearby and you know how girls love shoes....and shopping for shoes with your girlfriends is so much more fun. Laughter erupts in the shoe isles as we try on heels, boots, sneakers and flats, making our own selections and ooh-ing and aah-ing over each others wonderful finds,Then we pile back into the van to make our way to  the Christian Book and Gift Store. This little store is a diamond find in the middle of nowhere, but we always visit there when they are having their anniversary sale....bargains!!!!! With our treasures in hand, we head back to the cabin for a nice lunch and a time for devotion. Christ is always at the center of our retreat, sharing His word, strengthening our faith and giving Him praise for bringing us together is of utmost importance.


Saturday night is relaxation night.....after a long walk, taking in the beauty of the fall colors as the sun sets, casting long shadows, the blue skies and even bluer lake, we are in awe of how much God loves us to prepare such a day for us to enjoy. As the sun starts to set, we set out to return to the cabin and the pampering of a relaxing spa.

Sunday morning comes too soon and it is time to go....leaving is bitter sweet, but we make a pact that same time next year will keep that bond strong between us. We pray for each other's safety, health, families and give our Lord thanks for allowing us this time together to share in His love. ..